Why Do Men Lie? The Short and Long of It

Why do men lie…

The short answer: Men don’t lie. Boys do.

Still, you might be inclined to call some of these overgrown boys ‘men’ because they are big and hairy. Fine. Call them men, but realize you are dealing with the mentality of a child.

Why do men lie?

Because they are afraid to be discovered for who they are (which includes what they’re up to). Rest assured, if you’re with a man who lies, you do not know who he is. You may think you know him. You don’t. He may not even know.

Some men believe their lies as much as they want you to believe them. Who they really are is lost in a giant smokescreen of their own half-truths.

believe your own lies

(Image credit to Gecko and Fly)

If you want to know why a particular man lies, then start with a different question: Who are you, really?

Of course, this is a vague and difficult question to answer, even for a mature, self-aware person. So get more specific, NLP Meta Model style.

What to ask men when you really want to know why they lie:

How do you really feel about….?

What are you really looking for?

What’s really important to you?

What are you really up to?

What are you honestly expecting from….?

What are you actually trying to accomplish?

What are you hiding?

Answers to these more specific kinds of questions reveal what’s behind the facade and get to the heart of why men lie – what they’re hiding. Manipulative men use lies to hide because they are afraid to be found out.

why men lie

(Image credit to Gecko and Fly)

Why do men lie?

Not being able to handle childish fears prevents them from dealing with:

Conflict when others don’t agree

Disapproval when others don’t approve

Open shame when they are betraying others

Mistakes that might reveal their imperfection

The reality that they can’t have their cake and eat it too

Men lie because they can’t deal with the limitations and consequences of reality, just like toddlers.

Men lie to avoid intimacy. When they don’t feel worthy – and aren’t acting worthily – they can’t allow you in. They don’t want the emotional vulnerability that truth brings. You can’t be emotionally close to anyone without revealing who you are, without honest self-expression.

Men who have childish expectations of life and live trying to fulfill them do not always want to put those cards on the table. Their dirty little secret includes making sure nobody discovers how childish they are.

Of course, childishness is not difficult to notice. Still, childish men do not want to confront their immature selves.

Summing up the question: Why do men lie?

Because they are not men. They are boys who don’t want to face the facts:

You don’t always get what you want – and that doesn’t mean you should manipulate to get it.

You can’t always do what you feel like doing without consequences – and that doesn’t mean you should do it anyway and cover your tracks.

You’re not perfect – and this is not an opportunity to hide your mistakes.

The world doesn’t revolve around you – and this doesn’t mean you should use people to fill your needs, then ignore theirs for as long as they can stand it.

Lying is actually a form of self-sabotage. It doesn’t lead to happiness. When men lie, they sometimes get what they think they want, but in reality, these men only create a lonelier, more desperate world for themselves.

Can you change a man who lies?

No. The only thing you can do is stop tolerating it. Stop pretending along with him. And there will be consequences to this, too. If the man in question is not ready to see his truth, all childish hell might break loose. It’s up to you to decide if you’re ready for that.

If you are a man who lies, knock it off. It’s time to grow up.

Topic: Why do men lie